Why Do We Keep Attracting Projects, Not Partners?

You know what I'm talking about. Do you keep finding yourself in the same kind of  situationships with people that you thought had so much potential, but they never delivered? Do you find that you're pouring yourself into this person, just trying to help them be what you believe they can be, only to end up feeling depleted?

Those aren't partners - they're projects. Some people just don't have the capacity to give what you deserve in a relationship. You can't manifest a whole partner while entertaining half built people. Don't confuse someone's potential with compatibility!

Transcript

Patrice B: 0:41

Welcome back to tacos, tequila therapy and the tea with your girl Patrice B. You know where it's like your group chat with a little bit more healing and less judgment. We back again now y'all don't judge me.'cause I told y'all I took a little break, but I told y'all last time that I was back with the shit. I had some things that was on my mind that I had been wanting to share. I've really been like, you know, it's just something I be patric in. I sit, I think, and I process. Woo Child. Let's talk about this one today because this one hasn't been a thought of mine for a minute, and it's why do we keep a track of projects instead of partners? I know I can't be the only one out here asking these questions, and I hope when you ask that question that you are not the partner. You are really the partner. I hope that's you, sis, sir, whoever, because we don't even realize that we are trapped in it. You know what I mean? Like, and it's gotta be like those people who need fixing, you gotta build, you gotta fix them, or you gotta pray for their damn potential. You gotta pray them into the potential of what you see. Meanwhile, you sitting there drained, confused, and ghosted just depleted. cause you done pulled so much into someone who needed fixing and hopefully today, maybe I could give you some of this Patrice Beef's perspective, but I hope that we end this in 2025 if it's you and just figuring out what's really going on when you keep choosing people who don't show up fully for you and how to stop entertaining them. Ships, dynamics, whatever you wanna call it. With folks who need a parents not a partner, because we probably can reflect back when we've been like, oh, I dated such and such. Or you've seen that in someone. We might even know a friend who's dated someone who would, was more like, uh, they were their parents, but they weren't a partner. And hey. Sometimes it could just be us in that moment, and we don't really realize this. If your goals and your prayers don't match your actions, you're gonna keep getting the same lesson. Now, I'm that friend, not to be a messed up. I'm telling you I had me a little fuck up, excuse the language, but I do. I learned the lesson, and then I move forward. I learn, especially when the lesson hurts me. I definitely am one. Like, Ooh, don't do that again, but I will do is go make a whole new mistake and gotta figure my life out. But then you've been sitting there asking God for someone who sees you, loves you, and matches your energy.'cause somebody famous for saying, I want somebody match my energy. But they don't always check their energy first. Don't let that be you.'cause we, we, we take it accountability. Let's not forget that we are talking about these other people that we encountered, but some of that should be us. But you keep picking people even with these prayers who need fix it. And then when that shit all fall apart, they ghost you. You blame yourself. And that cycle starts again because did we really learn the lesson? Did we get it? What were we supposed to get from this connection with this person? And it might not have been your future, but the truth is, is that your healing and your standards have to catch up with your prayers. You can't manifest a whole partner while entertaining half built people before this one, and I may have told you guys this before. I was listening to something and you know how a video pops up. I don't even watch tv. Jakes on a regular, but this one thing has always stuck out to me, and it was, and how he said, you can't expect a gallon outta a pint. And it's like, if that person's potential, how they are. Their capacity is only a pint and you are a gallon. You cannot expect a gallon out of someone who their capacity is only a pint. They're given their a hundred percent. While your a hundred percent may look like a gallon, theirs is given a pint, and you can't expect more from people who can't give you any more than what they have. Yet we are trying to push them, do more, be more, and that's all that they have to give. But I, but you gotta think like, why, why the hell do we even do that? Why do we keep doing it? Because, you know what? I realize that sometimes being needed feels, feels good. Oh, don't be the strong one. Being strong is familiar. I've always been known to be like the person who is strong and get it done. I'm out here trying to be super Sabo ho sometimes, and we gotta bring it on back because I would attract people who need a parent and because sometimes we can confuse people's potential with Compatibility When you think of I'm, I'm definitely the miss rosy colored glasses. I see people's potential a mile away. I'll be like, oh, you could do this. But what I realized is that I saw the potential of who they could be alongside me and my healing journey and growth. So I gave them, I was giving out payday loan type of money off one paycheck. You could be great. You got the money to pay back this loan. I'm giving you all types of credit where credit wasn't even due. They did not deserve that much credit'cause they was giving pay energy and I was trying to make them a gallon'cause of where I saw it going. I saw where they could be with me. the reality is potential don't pay no damn emotional bills. But it all boils down to it when you drained. Depressed, tired, wondering why things are not going right. It's because you are trying to pour into someone's future potential that they do not possess at this moment or nor do they desire it. But then we get to that level of what we gonna do to stop shit, right? how do we pause on attracting these people? And sometimes I do believe we have to realize where we are in life get clear about what the fuck we actually want, what you deserve, and know that it's not your wants and your desires. They are valid. It's okay, but you gotta be clear about what you want. Because what happens is that you end up settling for some whole other shit that you do not deserve because you don't even know what you want or what you desire really. And those damn red flags that people show you, and I believe this, people will tell you who the hell they are. A lot of people be like, oh, that representative showed up. Damn representative. You see how they are with other people. You can see when a relationship ends and you see that you have someone who has children that they do not take care of, aren't adults. If you got a child, if you're dating someone, this is male or female.'cause I've seen it on both ends. I've had a friend who was dating a female and this female had a whole bunch of time to spend with them. Like time. And I was like, where did she get all this time? But I mean, I, this point I just thought she was a just, she didn't have any children. She was single. She was living her best life. They were attached to doing things and she's over there. Time this, this woman had like four kids and some I'm talking about reach out and touch'em that needed to go to school. Needed to be picked up. Ah, she up your ass and she don't have her kids. Will you think that that's going red flag? If you are dating a man and he has children that are in an area that's close to him and he hasn't seen them, he don't pick them up from school, he ain't dropping nobody off. He ain't at a game, he ain't at a dance recital. You haven't seen them, but he just with you this, that might be a problem. That is a red flag. I don't care how well he supposedly treats you. That's still a red flag. Where do you think that that relationship's going? If he can negate his responsibilities, and that's just talking about children. There's so many other things, how they treat their parents, how do they treat people when they go out? All of those things give you a sign of who are we dealing with? Do they really move towards the goals that they say that they want for themselves? Sometimes you gotta really sit and pay attention. All you gotta do is listen. Because if a representative doesn't really show up, give people time. They show you exactly who they are Now, stop making excuses when you see that shit. Don't, don't sugarcoat it. Don't go for the potential. Realize they are where they are right there. And if that's something that you wanna deal with. And you gotta trust that the right person won't need you to shrink or sacrifice yourself to feel loved. I definitely had an experience where they were much better. As long as I wasn't shining, more I shined, the more uncomfortable they became. Which is so unfortunate, like why is it that way? Why are you that way? And I was asking these things, but whatever they could do to dim that light made them feel better about themselves. And when they realized they couldn't dim the light, they were uncomfortable as hell. And I realized, gotta get outta this because,'cause this isn't healthy. Sir, ma'am, we gotta understand that we have to realize our value, what we actually want. Don't make excuses for these crazy people out here. Be aware. Listen conversations. Don't be dreaming of the possibilities. Deal with the people right now for who they, who they are. Let's do this. I know I want you to repeat after me'cause maybe we can talk ourselves into the better shit going forward, better attitudes, understanding potential repeat after me. I am not a rehab center. I am not a construction site. I am not a project manager. Not in my relationship, maybe at work, but definitely not in your relationship. And so this was just my way of realizing like we, we are out here gonna live our best lives and in this healing journey, you going to have some bumps in the road. Some people are gonna make you discover things about yourself. But I hope in the process. You are not attracting people who are draining you, who don't deserve you, who are leeches on your, your healing journey, your growth and your potential of where you're going. I hope you don't try to create some new projects and try to make somebody better to get, get them to somewhere that they don't even wanna be. You want them to be, but they don't even wanna be there this week. How about doing something like write down three non-negotiables And that's, we ain't talking about height women. I know you want somebody six feet, but write down some other non-negotiables. I wanna hear somebody say, y'all want somebody to go to the gym and you don't even go to the gym. Some real non-negotiables. Behavior that you're just no longer willing to accept. Because most of the time, like I told you guys before, when I write down something and I see it for what it is, really being clear on what I want, and it's always come to fruition for me. I try it. So let's get clear so we can stop attracting these God projects and get us some real partners out here. We gonna keep struggling unless always y'all. Thank you for spending time with me and sharing your energy. I literally, I swear I don't take it lightly. for letting me pour to you just for a little while, and I hope you pull back into yourself this week and until next time, stay.