Different Vantage Points

Sometimes we find ourselves in sticky situations with friends, relationships, clients or family. Do you always consider all viewpoints in a conflict, or do you sometimes react prematurely?

Everyone comes into every situation from their own vantage point. There may be emotions already brewing, prior history with the people involved, or even fears and biases that color each person's perspective. 

It's worth it to take the time to reflect on your own reaction, emotions, and assumptions when you run into a conflict. Are you a co-conspirator? Might their point of view be just as correct as yours? 

Transcript

Patrice B: 0:40

What's going on people? We are back at it again. Back on these tacos, tequila, therapy, and the tea with Patrice B. We are back. As always, I got some thoughts for y'all and it's been a minute. I'm gonna say this, I have missed you, but it's been a minute. And I got some thoughts. I have one of my friends who, and actually several of my friends, who watch a lot of like crime shows. And you know how it's talking about like who saw the murders, what, you know, perspective, how it was seen, everything that led up to it. And I always think about like associating that to conversations and how we interact with people. And I know what, what the hell does a crime show got to do with conversations with people and how we interact? Now, in my brain, because Patrice was Patricing and how I process this. I'm hoping that some of you have seen the movie Vantage Point, right? And in that movie, you have where a major thing has happened, but there were so many angles to determine what happened. really went down, who the people were, who was a part of it, because everybody had a different vantage point. And when you think about a crime scene, or something happens, or somebody, hey, was shooting, you have the person that might have been behind the shooter, somebody on the right of the shooter, the, the person who got shot, who knows, and you have the shooter. You have different vantage points in all of these scenarios. But when it comes to The connections that we have with people, be it friendships, relationships, whatever that might be, right? I'm even thinking about different vantage points when it comes to the clients. When we are having these conversations, everybody has a different perspective. And it's a different vantage points. So when you get into an argument, or you have a disagreement. Let's not say argument because it sounds so nasty, right? A little bitter. But when you get into a disagreement with someone and someone was like, hey, X, Y, and Z. It is from their vantage point. And on the other end of the phone, you have the other person that has a different vantage point. And so, in this, it's like, hey, but these things happened, but this is what I heard, this is what I saw, this is what I perceived, whatever that might be. Now, it's not to say that either of the people are wrong, but it's how they saw the situation. Thanks for watching. And I don't think that sometimes we look at our conversations of reflection or disagreements with people as, Hey, somebody else has a different vantage point. I remember years ago, I was dating someone who was like, yeah, you know, your friend used to like, we were cool too. Before I started dating you, I knew them and they used to like my post and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And now they don't do that anymore. Since I, you know, we've started dating. I was thinking like, hey, that's just some kind of weird ass behavior. Like, eh, that's probably not it. It's probably that you know somebody that they're dating and it's too close cause I know who the person is and I know their character. And I was just like, it's probably they, you know, you too close to somebody they're dating. I didn't think that it had anything to do with me. And so we get into a, months later, maybe even a year or so later, I'm still in this relationship. I'm dating. And my friend who I considered at the time, a close friend was a little different, at a party. And wasn't talking to me, but you know me, you know who I'm dating, what, why are you not conversing? Like, you're weird, you're doing some weird shit. And then it was like, whoa. The vantage point that at that time, my friend had of like, Hey, your bestie looking kind of strange. What's going on with that? Why are they acting like that? And then I got to see it. I didn't see it at that point, but later on, I saw something different from my vantage point. That made me be like, huh. That shit's kind of crazy, right? But the point that I'm trying to make is that when we are in certain, you know, disagreements, arguments, or situations, there are so many ways of looking at it. But how do we get to the neutral place? Of, hey, if you saw it this way, I see it this way, what would we like to receive? There's somewhere in the middle that we have to meet, right? And when I think about like, like a different vantage point in a crime scene, you also have the different levels of how people perceive the situation. So I was telling a friend that sometimes you have, cause I be having these conversations, sometimes they are really in depth of how I sit and I reflect. Now I was in a situation where I had Some underlying emotions prior to the crime. So prior to there was something already there. We were already having a week and it was a challenging week in our communication with someone and I was dating and it was just like days. So it just led up to it. So then we hit the situation and I already was like feeling some kind of way. And there are a lot of times where I can take a moment to reflect and like, Hey, but I didn't, I had some underlying emotions prior to this day's crime. Right. And so in this situation, it makes me think of when you have somebody who is very racist or prejudice and how they already viewed the situation when you feel like, Hey, those gotta be the criminals, or this has to be the situation because this is how I underlying hatred. Right that a racist person would have and it seems like I'm all over the place, but bear with me, right? When you are in a crime scene, you have somebody who's like maybe a racist person who was like, hey Because this person this young man has on his hoodies black. He had to be the one that did it I saw him da da da da da because from their vantage point it came with some underlying emotions That allowed them to have some preconceived notions about how that possibly could have went down and it had to be them You Now, hey, it's their view, but it doesn't mean that that was the right vantage point for that crime. They just had a perspective, but it came with something like a precursor that allowed them to place judgment. So fast forward, come back to me, right? Because we're talking about these crime scenes because I feel like all these damn disagreements or arguments that we have with people are like Fucking crime scenes sometimes. Who's right? Who did it? How do you get to it? How do we solve the damn crime? Right? So, a week of craziness we get to the situation and the crime is happening. But there was some things that happened that I was like I had a question about. But before I asked the question Because this is where you take ownership of your shit. Before I asked the question, I had already had an emotion that was stemming from the week of things that caused a reaction before I asked the question, and so then my question isn't really a question of curiosity. It comes with more of an accusation. of like, Hey, did you do that? Like I didn't even, and not even, Hey, did you do that? It's like, Oh, was this what it was? Because I was already feeling away. Right. And so now we're in this damn crime scene and we got different perspectives and vantage points and so many things are happening. Things are being said, but nothing is really being said to get to the point of solving the crime. Because at this point we have emotions and things just don't go well. Right? And it's crazy because I had to then be aware of, Hey, in this crime, what part did I play? When I reflected on it, it was like, Hey Patrice, you already were feeling some kind of way prior to the crime. So once something started to brew and it seemed like something was happening, you already had emotions that caused you to react in a way that didn't get your questions answered. Clear communication wasn't happening because you were already in the place of emotion. Now there is no excuse sometimes when you're in your place of emotion, but it had been a week. I was tired. all the things that causes you not to think clearly in the moment, but you got to also think like, Hey, how did I get myself into this shit? What part did I play in the crime? Am I damn eight and in the bedding? You know what I'm saying? Am I a cocus beater? At this point, like, did I do this? And I had to think back, but then at this point now, the person that I'm dating, because it's still fairly new, it's like they had an emotion to a reaction that I had, and we never got to solving the problem in the crime. Because there were so many emotions placed in that prior to our ask for clarity, and then it went. Far down a rabbit hole of things being said on their end that probably put the nails in the coffin and the situation is dead because how do you even come back from there? But how did it even start? It was the emotions prior to, and the things that when I sat back after the fact and I reflected on, because we never really got to a clear conversation on it because there were a lot of emotions involved. And, when it's all said and done and I could reflect or I had reflected. There were things that definitely could have been done differently. And I remember like, and this goes in so many different scenarios. It isn't always conflict, right? Where there is the different vantage points of a connection and how we see it and how we connect with people. But, I had this conversation with a client at one point in time, a few years ago and I remember her dating this guy and they were hanging out. They had a friendship, they had a connection and he was definitely, it's clear that he was definitely interested in her and you know, she, him and She started to develop feelings beyond the friendship. And immediately she felt as if she should ask him, what is this? And so when she asked him what, you know, what is this, what are we doing? Right? She never stated to him about the emotions and how things had changed for her. She just went on like, Hey, I need to ask him. So when he answered the question, And it wasn't to her liking. Now, mind you, it wasn't like, hey, I don't want this to be a relationship. It just kind of was like, hey, I'm enjoying the moment type of answer, but not that he didn't want it, but she didn't like the response. And immediately she was like, yeah, well, I need to just, you know, back out of this. I need to leave, you know, I'm a limit my time with him. Um, and I had to say to her, like, well, how is that even fair? Right? Cause now I have a different vantage point to this conversation from the outside. And I was able to say to her, was like, Hey, why is that okay? Why do you punish him? Because you never really stated how you felt. You wanted to put it on him to define the relationship instead of you stating what you wanted and allowing him to make a decision based off your emotions, but you wanted his emotions to guide it to determine if you would still want this, even though you wanted it before you even asked the question. And then our conversation went into what were you feeling before you even asked that? Because even though you might have wanted a relationship, there was some things of self doubt within her. Like, she felt like he was just nice to all his friends, but he was definitely nice to her in a different way. Definitely, he's a gentleman. helpful to people, but to her, he was very different, but she just saw that he was helpful to a lot of people and she wasn't quite feeling it. So before she even asked him, what is this? She had some underlying feelings, even though it could have been self doubt, it wasn't angry or anything that was a disagreement, but she had some things that might have maybe doubted herself in the connection. Was it really what it was? and when she posed the question, it was more for him to make the decisions to govern how she would then guide with the emotions that she was already having. Because her emotions were already there. It was the, hey, I want more, but do I really want more? Does he have other people? Is he really dealing with them? Does he want me? It was all the questions. But the question that she was trying to pose to him was, should have been something that she was asking herself. And in the moment, even in my situation, I could have asked myself some questions before I led with emotion and energy. In the crime. And in her scene, it might not have been, you know, it was just a little bit more dramatic in its nature than my client who was asking who had underlying emotions. And every situation of us dealing with people, there are different vantage points. And it could be something so small that changes how we view what happened or what is happening. You have some people that have emotions and feelings that, you know, lead them to believe that this is a relationship before they even, you know, they already are conducting themselves and that's not even what was established. It's so many times and there's different ways to view it, but we have to sometimes, most times, if not all the time, view what are the underlying emotions and how we are viewing our situation. Do you have sun in your eyes? Are you tired? Do you need something to eat? And it's, it's, it's crazy at how things can be so misconstrued just because we were just like, blinded in the situation for whatever that is, whatever the reasons were. And we can't quite see it from someone's angle, but there are different viewpoints in this situation of possibility, of a difference, of a resolution, because which way does the camera see it? And sometimes it could just be as small as a conversation on the phone. And let's say one word is missing or somebody didn't hear it and it changes and it's not that the person who the one who's speaking is right. The one who was the listener is right. It's just like, Hey, we viewed this differently with what you said, what I heard. And then we have that middle ground. And I don't feel like we always have that middle ground when we are dealing with people because we have some things that precede us going into these conversations or connections that minimize the clarity of the situation and you can't see it from all angles. And sometimes people don't see the role that they play in the crime. And so it was in my reflections of vantage points. Can I see it from their angle? Can I understand their perspective? Can they understand mine? And how do we get to a clear resolution? Because we definitely have different vantage points. I have been in so many situations like, oh, that's how you saw that? That's not what I saw. That's not how it is for me, right? Like, oh, wow. Like, the way that they saw it, the way that I saw it, or what was happening. And I've had some times where it was like, oh, wow, I didn't realize that either. And you can, sometimes the crimes get solved and. We can put that file to rest. And some things become unsolved mysteries because people refuse to see it from different vantage points and understanding that to see that their viewpoint isn't always right. But it's not to say that yours is right either. It's It's just perspective But I hope this helped somebody even though it seemed like it was all over the place and don't be out here creating no crime scenes. Look at it from different vantage points. Take ownership of your shit when you realize that you are a co conspirator in the crime and know that the way that they see it isn't always wrong. It's just from their point of view. And you gotta get to the clarity to understand how to solve the problem. And as always, y'all, I'm back with some craziness and my most randomest thoughts. Who knows what you're gonna get next time. But I hope to be with you next time and you with me. Enjoy. Have an amazing day on purpose.