Victims Along the Healing Journey

Today we'll delve into the complexities of the healing journey, emphasizing the importance of self-awareness and personal responsibility. By sharing personal anecdotes about parental relationships and the residual impacts of childhood pain, the discussion highlights the necessity of recognizing past traumas, adapting our responses, and forgiving in order to move forward. The speaker stresses the critical need to become more cognizant in our personal growth to prevent causing unintended harm to others. Join this poignant conversation as we explore how to navigate our healing paths without perpetuating victim mentalities and making others casualties of our unresolved issues.

Transcript

Patrice B: 0:40

Welcome back. We at it again. Mmm. We at it again. I'm going to tell y'all something. For real, this healing journey is crazy. But I know I'm the only one out here feeling this. This, this little shift in people and awareness. It's clear. I'm not the only one. I'm just sharing my perspective on things and how I be with and life. So I have to tell y'all that I appreciate you for listening and tuning in. But today I want to share this new discovery about being a victim. And sometimes I believe we don't always realize. and I'm saying we, like we French, we together here, but just discoveries of people and the roles that they play and things that happened to them, but going a step further is the, the fact of the matter is, is that We are all casualties in someone else's story, right? somebody's healing, somebody's journey. Shit, you, you a casualty of somebody's lack of understanding that they should have left their ass out to go to work earlier. And since they were rushing to cause an accident, which makes you late to work, right? And so I always have this theory that a plan never goes as planned as long as other people are involved. So note that the plan ain't never going to go as planned, but I'm glad that you have one, right? Because the fact of the matter is that you left out in your timeframe, but there's other factors for you to get to your job and your destination. And in this journey of healing, there is a path we're having to take. And along this road, we may be like, Hmm, we're a little delayed. Sometimes we're able to go a little faster, but when we are delayed, because maybe we left out a little too late, we didn't had an accident. Someone else is suffering from our decision. And that happens from a parent to a child, a husband to a wife, a wife to a husband, boyfriend, girlfriend, sisters, brothers, because we're all going on a journey. And you may have a plan for what you have in the end, but a plan never goes as planned as long as other people are involved. So when we, Think about, like, the victim and things that happen to us, why they happen. Unfortunately, we tend to be casualties in someone else's journey. We might have to be that lesson. Or the one who, opens someone's eyes to a problem. And unfortunately, that may have come with hurt. To you. Sometimes it's not always intentional. Somebody's journey was their journey and they didn't intend for it to affect you as well. But I was having this conversation with someone and we talked about it was more of a parental situation. Like, hey, well my parent did this or that or didn't do it. And at this point I was like, you know, I had to ask like, what was the age on this? Right? Like, how old was that when that, when you really felt that first, bout of pain? And the answer, you know, she was like seven. Well, at this wonderful age of your thirties, how about 25 years later? Yeah. It may hurt at seven, but when we talk about 25 years later and you're still holding on to it, do you still consider yourself a victim or you now victimizing yourself was the question. Because at that point we have to say it is 25 years later at seven, it hurt when I am carrying it for that many years. That same problem, is it them or is it me? And she had to take a step back because it was like, I was like, we're always at, we're all a casualty in someone else's story. So even in her journey of healing and awareness or even her hurt, right? There are people who have fell victim to what happened, you know, maybe the lack thereof at seven when it hit her at 20 or 25. You know, the relationship she got in because she still was feeling hurt from the seven, the person that she might not have been able to connect with or cause, you know, emotional, turmoil to the person she was dating. And as I mean, making that up, right. But we're just saying that that person now is feeling the residuals of her journey. And while some sometimes we think about who did something to us, we also have to be aware that somebody's a casualty in your healing journey and that, yeah, somebody, the relationship ain't work out. You need to learn your lesson, but when you continue and you haven't healed, there is someone that is a casualty in your story and your journey. And I don't think we're always aware of that because it's not until we actually heal, you realize maybe the hurt and pain you may have caused someone else because of your lack of awareness, your choice not to heal, holding on to it, still being a victim to something of the past. And we, We want to remember like, Hey, so and so did this mom and dad were absent and my father wasn't around, but I could sit here and be like, Oh, well, because he isn't around or he wasn't around then I should do X, Y, and Z. Now, who does that affect? Not him. So why would I stay in that space? And I remember dating somebody who really felt like, Oh yeah, well, you got daddy issues. I don't have no damn daddy issues because he ain't a damn issue. The fact of the matter, he's not an issue. He was an issue then, but as an adult now, he's not an issue. I am fully aware of, Him not being able to be the best parent he could have been at that time. I'm very aware of that. I might've been a lesson that he, that make him aware of a lesson of things that he needed to improve. And unfortunately I was the casualty in his story. But the one thing is for certain is that I am always grateful that. I have come, I shouldn't say grateful, but what I had come to realize in my adulthood that I am happy is that that man did not take up space in my life because he would not have guided me to be the person I am today. No, no, no. So once I became aware of that, there's no one else as a casualty in that story of, Hey, daddy wasn't there. No, I'm clear. I love me. Right. I put a lot of pressure on me to be better, but it ain't no longer a daddy issue over here because I'm fully aware I had forgiven it. I am sure that he did not have the ability to do the job. And I'm, and I'm happy he stayed out the way, because some people will take up space and be in the way. And I got somewhere to be able to block that, able to block that journey, right? So it's no longer, nah, that was then, this is now. But my question to them was, have you healed from your daddy issues? Cause you're still angry about that. I ain't mad. I ain't mad at that way, man. I'm just aware of that man. I'm aware of what has been done, but I am also aware of my lack of awareness in my healing or things that I needed to adjust for me that could have affected someone else. A lot of times it might've affected me, but still it affected someone else. Somebody, somebody else was a casualty in this healing journey. But once you become aware, you have the ability to adjust. And I was like, wow, wait a minute, how long are we going to be the victim? How long will we hold on to the pain? And I, we, I probably said this several times. Like when somebody gets into this relationship that doesn't work out and because that relationship didn't work out now, I can't have any further relationships. I'm going to take a long pause on it. I don't think I want it anymore. Why? That was then. This is now. Why stop living? You got another day to try it again, but I hope in your healing journey, you don't cause someone else to be a casualty of your lack of awareness of things that you need to get past or get over. I hope that you don't continue to create a victim mentality for yourself that hinders you from being great. Because that was then this is now, how long do you carry it? I'm going to tell you what, Erica hit you with the bag lady. Like when you carry that, that baggage only got to this new destination because you bought it here. You traveled with it. You could have lost that damn luggage, but you didn't. You carried it with you and carrying it like a badge of honor. That mess gets heavy. Cause we picking up new luggage. And the stuff in that luggage doesn't suit you for this journey of where you going. Now, the winter clothes does not work for the summer season of sunshine and sunny leadership. We said, like, I want us to be great. I want us to be aware, but sometimes people can be very aware of someone else's wrongdoings, but not aware of what they have done to cause. Other problems, cause there's a cause and there's an effect, but how do you let it affect you? It's a choice for you. Now I'm not saying that we can all just dismiss all our problems. They all just go away. You just move on to the next day. No, be aware of it, address it, heal it, move on. Cause we gotta keep moving for us. But if we are talking about 25, 30 years later, we still talking about seven, we're talking about 14, whatever your age is and that distance and that time, that's now a you choice. Cause every, everything doesn't always come with an apology. Um, but it can come with awareness of seeing the situation for what it was. Did I play a part in that? What was their situation? When you realize that somebody is healing or needed to learn a lesson or whatever that might be. Child, like they had to learn. They didn't know. I don't let them off the hook, but hell they ain't know. Cause a lot of times when mistakes happen, we are today years old. The shit is happening now. You're like, damn, I didn't even know that it's now happening. Like I had this situation. With my son and I realized that like I'm always like,'cause I'm thinking 25 steps ahead, right? I'm always like, I got full plans for a plan. Right? And sometimes he can be, he's a planner, but he doesn't always plan like how I plan. And I be like, boy, get it together. But I'm trying to plan for him, he trying to plan for me and we were just battling and in the dead. The center of this argument, I was like, God damn it. I said, I got to change this. Cause here I am trying to a parents, my adult child, my adult child that I have raised, who is absolutely amazing and can make his own decisions, but she don't have to have for problem solving situations for his problem. Um, and I said that in the middle and he thought like, that's crazy. What? What? Would you just go say that in the middle? Like, mom, you being petty? No, I'm not being petty. I'm like, like shit. I'm today is old. I ain't never had to parent an adult child. And in this moment it hit me like, Patrice, stop. Cause I'm today is old learning this lesson. And in that one moment, I got it immediately. Because I am in the space of being aware of my shit. No, son, I ain't about to be no helicopter over you. You got this. And I have to trust that even in his mistakes, he gets it. It's okay. I'm today years old and some of you are today years old becoming aware of, hey, it's still 25 years later and I am now creating a victim mentality for myself because I'm holding on to it. I was a casualty in that story, but I do not want to make someone else a casualty in my healing. I want to be aware. I want to do things differently. So today, I just hope that you guys are more aware that you were a casualty and possibly is at the current moment, a casualty in someone's story, someone's journey, someone's healing, but I hope that you are aware enough in your journey to not make someone else a casualty in your way. And y'all know as always, thank you. And y'all know that Scorpio season is coming around. So be aware. I'm going to be on my shit. It's coming. And as always, thank you. Thank you. And thank you. Until next time.