Still Playing House?

Remember when you were a kid and everyone was playing house? Handing out roles like mom, dad, sister... Are you still doing that as a grownup?

Are you acting out roles like wife or department manager, before you actually have the part? Consider whether you're having permanent conversations with temporary people. Why would he deserve your "wife" status if he's not going to stick around? Why act as the manager before you're promoted?

More often than not, the person acting the role ultimately doesn't get the role. So, are you still playing house?

Transcript

Patrice B: 0:41

Welcome back y'all. We are back again with the most randomest podcast ever. Now y'all know, like as I've been talking to y'all on this healed and healing journey, it looks very different each week I'm talking to y'all, right? Like what that looks like. Some weeks it's spicy. Sometimes I'm coming through with a little message. But something that I have been learning About over my years of just dating And when I'm in my single girl era and I'm trying to meet people And I do meet people and I meet some of the most amazing people I do And when I say amazing, right? It's like I learned something from every connection that I encounter I learned something every time y'all I swear I do And so I believe that they're amazing. Even if the situation is kind of foggy, I'm like, Oh, I learned something. And I appreciate them for the person that they are and I'm going on about my business. But this lesson right now in this day is that as a child, I was very probably too damn old for my age was the way that I would think, right. And when I sit back and think about things that I've thought about as a child and how it resonates in my adulthood, I got a crack up laughing. I'd be like, Oh, who the hell was I back then? Like 10, nine, eight, 11, like things that I think about that I have said or done as a child. And in my dating life now, I am thinking about what I did as a child and how it resonates so this message had to come with a little wine, right? Because this one is, this wine is a volette wine. It's a red, it's bubbly, it's not too sweet. Um, I really enjoy it. It's one I can enjoy at any time. one of my old lady friends put me on to this and I absolutely have loved it every time I drink it. I share it with others. Um, But I had to take a little sip with this message because I realized that as a child, I never understood how to play house. I did not play house well. I know some of y'all might be like, I can't believe that. No, I'm good damn well. I don't even seem like the person I know how to play house. I didn't. People are like, I want to be the mama. You be the daddy. Um, we going to be the kid. You going to be the kid. I did not want to be anybody. I want to be the banker. I want to be, I want to come to my store and buy things. That's what I would play. Like I would make a cash register out of anything. I'm telling you, I would be the one back. I'm going to have a store and you could be the mom and daddy and y'all got to come buy stuff for y'all kid at my store. I don't get who it was. Let that monopoly money come out. I will make a cash register out of anything. And one of the things that I thought about is that I didn't even know how to play house then. I don't know how to play house now. I'm going to tell y'all something that I will not do in my adulthood is have permanent conversations with temporary people. I'm not going to sit here and be talking about being husbands, being wives, what we going to do when I know that your ass ain't even going to be around. I'm not even going to act like I am going to be in a wife position and I know that I don't want to be there and that is not the plan. I ain't out here winning no damn Oscars. I'm not acting. I'm not in an acting role. And so it fascinates me when people be like, Oh, well, she started out one way and now he or she is different. Well, because you wanted a damn actress, you wanted somebody to play the role. And in my dating life, I have seen and encountered people who believed that the people that they date or encountered should already act as if they are a wife. Y'all can't hit it damn quick as I can. Cause what makes you think that I'm gonna sit here and play a wife role to somebody I don't even know is gonna be around? I'ma show up, my damn name ain't no Viola Davis, ain't no Taraji P. Henson, I am not an actress, I ain't winning no damn Oscars. I'm not playing with you. I am not going to show up in your life as an acting wife until you decide my value, if that's what I should be, because if you don't see all this greatness right now, sir, or ma'am, I won't be husband or wife to you. That's the part that baffles me. Like, some of these people really think that they are the catch. And I mean, please understand, everybody should feel like they are the catch. And I say that in my most sarcastic tone. But when you are like, I'm the shit and you should act like you the wife to be with me, it's crazy. It's crazy. And I'm going to tell you each and every time they have looked at me crazy, but I'm like, I do not act. I'm not playing with you. Cause if you don't see this greatness now, you ain't never gonna see it. And you ain't my person. Now over the years, like that looks very different, but I just don't have permanent conversations with temporary people. and you know when you meet somebody that they may not be around for a long time, but they're around for this time. And I can talk about my future, but it ain't no we. I don't turn French. I will say I, until it is a we. I don't get that. And maybe some people do. Do it, and it works for them. But I believe that a hundred percent people like, Oh, you got to put in a hundred to get a hundred. And if you want to be here, like what my a hundred percent looks very different. In different situations because I'm going to tell you if, if you know what y'all already know, I got full size to me. I got passionate, positive, penitentiary and petty, right? And if I'm penitentiary, I'm going a hundred percent in that trust to believe me. I mean it to a petty a hundred percent in that too. But if you want the passionate and positive, I'm a hundred percent in there as well. But that looks different depending on how I show up and they are all me. They're not different. I'm not playing with you. I'm going to stand 10 toes down and each of those people and how they show up. So in certain connections, I am still a hundred. I am still me, but who you get and how you get When you encounter me, it's still a hundred percent. Me is a hundred percent of me at that moment. And trust and believe when I've gone further and I'm all in, you still getting a hundred percent because I don't change me. I don't show up as somebody else. My current self leads me to my future self. But even my current self is a hundred percent because that's, that is who I am in this moment. And until somebody makes you a wife, how can you show up as a wife? You show up as an all in girlfriend, but you ain't a wife until you're a wife. You're not a husband until you're a husband. And it makes me think about the time that TD Jake saying, you know, we may talk about, you know, he got a little stuff, a little tricky in his life, but the words that he may speak sometimes resonates and I don't listen to him often. And I came across one of his sermons one time and he was talking about, you cannot expect a gallon out of a pint. And, and it talked about how people show up and the 100 percent that they can give. While you may be a person who when you give, it's like a gallon and you're giving it, but the other person, friend, partner, whoever you're dating is a pint and they're giving you their 100%. At that time, that's all that they have to give. But it's still a hundred. Right. And so we deem value based on our level of input sometimes. And some people's a hundred percent looks different. And I believe that that is very true. And I believe at some point, some people are a pint and that's all that they can give at that moment, but it doesn't mean that they could not be a gallon later. On their healed and healing journey and their growth that a hundred percent is going to look real different. Right. And I believe that they might be a pint to some, because you know how some people will get with somebody and they have been with them for a long time. No future happens. They played house. Right. For a while, they break up and you see it all the time. And then they go and get married like six months later. They gave you the a hundred percent they could at that time, but somebody else got a different hundred and that's a new level to them. And they're showing up in a way that they did not show up for you because it wasn't their time. They gave you what they could at the moment. And if you want more or need more, you have that discussion of, I need more. And if they are not able to do that, then you move forward. But I'm not the person to be in the acting role. That's like on your job. Like, you know what I'm saying? Those people that be acting manager, be mad as hell. Cause you ain't even getting paid for it. You just acting. They didn't, the Boston got fired and they're like, Hey, you the best one to fit. Could you act in this role until we're ready to fill it? And most of the time it only would come with the pay or the benefits of that, that new level. And y'all know every manager in that position is not happy about it. They're doing double duty. They're doing more work, not appreciate it, nor are they paid for it. You're now dealing with things and people that you don't even, should not even be dealing with. Cause that's not the level of even what your a hundred percent was giving. But because you gave a hundred percent of the role, they felt like, Oh, you should. Possibly fill in his space and more oftentimes than not, they don't even really give it to the person that's acting. They go to an outside person, but y'all don't always hear me. That same thing happens in relationships that you will show up every day to work and be your best at that position. And when someone is fired in a higher position, They want you to act in that role until they decide to fill that position. And that position may not be given to you. A lot of people say I probably shouldn't conduct relationships like we conduct business, but I blue believe it's like business. It's like our workplace environments. It's where we spend a lot of time, where we want to receive benefit from, where we want that nourishment. But I want you guys to know this do not have permanent conversations with temporary people You are not acting Don't play house But note this at any point in your 100 percent of giving you are worthy Your time is coming. Think about where you want to be in life and until next time, thank you so much for spending time with me. Until next time.