Let the Ships Sail

Happy Mother's Day to all who celebrate, including those with heavy, complex feelings around the holiday.

I'm talking a little about grief today - but not in a sad way! In our lives we'll have many ships - relationships, situationships, friendships, work relationships, you name it. As we go through life and learn and grow, some of those ships must sail. When you lose someone you care about, there will always be a period of grieving, and nobody but you knows how that will play out.

Sometimes, that person may pass away, a marriage may end, or a friendship may drift apart, but there's always something you can learn and take with you as you move forward with your life. What direction do you need to go?

Transcript

Patrice B: 0:41

Hello guys. Welcome back. We are back again and this wonderful season of spring and coming up on our mother's day, depending on when you hear this happy mother's day to all your mothers out there. I wanted to talk about that today. I think I have told you guys before but I lost my mom when I was 14. Amazing, amazing woman she was and still is to me. She taught me so many things that at that time I wasn't able, I was like, hear you, I get it. But there are things that she said to me then that I now can apply in so many different ways. And today I'm sipping on a little tea and one of my favorite cups that a friend of mine had given me when She knew I wanted to start the tea would be Love her love her love her Serena gave me this and it's like blue and turquoise and green and my favorite color is blue But it looks rather fancy Even when I'm not But I wanted to talk about Grief. Now, please don't get it twisted. This is not about no sad podcast today, because what I know is, is that even though I lost my mom young, I'm going to tell you, I had my time of sadness, but I'm in a season of appreciation for the woman that she was and still is to me and how her life lessons are prevailing in my life. but I wanted to talk about grief, grief of ships, situationships, relationships, friendships, workships, grief, and it comes in so many different forms, right? I'm finding now that in my life, I'm seeing friendships that have been years. You think they will be around forever. and not just in a passing, but the friendship changes, they outgrow each other. Something happens. Relationships always like come and go, right? But when you think about just having the loss of someone who has been in your life for so long, Or being at a job for so long and you lose that job, you had a sense of comfort. And when you lose it, there is a little bit of a grieving process. When I was doing and thinking about what it was for this podcast, I thought about what does Webster say in terms of definition of a relationship? And it was the way in which two or more concepts, objects, or people are connected or the state of being connected. And we're connected in so many ways. And as of late, I'm realizing that as I grow, I'm losing a lot of ships, right? Relationships are changing. Relationships of actual connections of love are changing. I've had adjustments in my friendships and I know that sometimes that comes with age, it comes with time, but it also comes with growth. And when I thought about grief and its definition of deep sorrow, especially that caused by someone's death. And it was like, Hmm, but sometimes people don't always die. They just, the relationship died. The ship died. And I'm like, Whoa, wait a minute. And Am I in another grieving season of, I miss my mom. I love her dearly, but I'm just saying, like, can you imagine just like, as you grow and you realize so many of your relationships, like how many of y'all really probably have gone through relationships or have been married and divorced? Shoot. I was engaged and that didn't even work out well. I don't know if I had much of a grieving process with that. Now that I think about it, but you know, to each his own. I've realized that it's hard either way you look at it, but could you imagine losing a ship, either as a situation ship or relationship, or Husband and wife that was actually just really good and it had to end just because of maybe being on different, planes. We're in different bodies of water and we're going in different directions and the ships had to sail. we think all of our ships end in grief, sadness, sorrow, anguish. They don't always look so bad. Some ships are easy as hell to get out of, let's not even lie. Some people get on your goddamn nerves, abusive, whatever, it's time to go. Please sail that ship. But sometimes the grief that we experience in those bad situations is, is like, who the hell was I in that? Like what in the world? Why was I going through that? How long did I stay? But when you lose someone you care for, It's hard. Could you imagine having a friend of 20 plus years? You talked often, that you hung out, you've been there for each other, and that, that friendship fizzles out. that could be kind of like, it's different when someone has been in your life for that long or had that impact. Right? And certain people come into your life and they have an impact and it could be a two year stint of amazingness showing you possibilities and growth but it has to end because they came into your life for a reason, a season and everybody is not meant for the lifetime. Um, But it's how we are at the time when those ships have sailed. What do we need to get from it? So I have been looking at those connections in my life that have ended, changed, transitioned, and what was I supposed to get from it? Experiencing major loss in your life, I'm sure, is like, It's very hard, right? And when you come across someone who you may feel is not as significant in your life, like losing a mom, you may not think that it's that much of a big deal, but sometimes, you know, it is. But one of the lessons of my amazing mom that I'm applying to this is my mother used to always like, she had a short period of time with me and she would always, I mean, when my mom was sick, I'm going to tell you like those life lessons was coming like every day. She would like, you got to know this, you got to know that you got to know that. And at that point it was overwhelming, right? But now in this season of. being an adult and applying all of these things, my mom, she was a person with good sense of direction to me. So I lost my mom before I could even drive. And if we took a road trip somewhere, my mother was like, always pay attention to the direction that you're going. If you are going North to a destination to get home, you can go South, go South. You'll get there. If you go East, make sure you go back West. Doesn't matter. You'll get back home. And she always said, when you see the sign that say Washington DC, you know, you can get anywhere, anywhere. Cause you now know where you are. And so I was like, Hmm, right. Well, we go in one direction and we have lost ourselves. Sometimes we got to go the opposite way to get back to who we are. Another lesson that my mother taught me with direction, this applies even if y'all still using ways in Google. She said that if you think you have gone far enough, go a little further. Cause how many times have you guys turned too soon? We just did it on a girl's weekend and I'm going to tell you we turned too soon and I ended up in a space where it said private property trigger happy rednecks ahead because we probably should have went a little further and in the directions like all the girls was we were this is a girl's trip we're riding together and They were so concerned because it's like, Hey, it's six chocolate chicks in this truck are we in the right area? Should we be here? I don't know. Where's this cabin? It was complete like wait a minute Hold up and when we had to go back and go back to the directions the directions were to go to the water You had to go down to the water and you had to turn right on a street and I said look We, I do not think that we have gone far enough. I'm going back down and I was driving. I'm going back down and we're going to go a little further. We're not going to make that shop right with trigger happy rednecks with six chocolate chicks in a truck, but we're going to go a little further. And when we went further and we made that right turn on the right street, the place that we landed was absolutely beautiful. It was beautiful. It was comfortable. It was cozy. And in that moment, my mom's directions applied. But I'm sharing with you that that same direction applies in life when it comes to your grief. When you think you have not gone far enough, go a little further. Meet a new friend. Have a new relationship. Marry again if that is for you. Keep going. Don't stop. Sometimes we get off a little too soon. But keep going. I was dating someone who really at this one time. And y'all know I'm random as hell. So y'all know y'all on the randomest podcast ever, but I was in this relationship where When it ended and it seemed to be this on again off again thing, right? And we would end for like months or sometimes months sometimes weeks, whatever But when it was for a period of time like months I went through a grieving stage of like what am I doing? What are we going to do leaving that space open? but as soon as I was ready to Keep going They would be back again. And we had, we had a connection that was like, Ooh, childhood and rev up your spirits. Right. But they would always feel like, well, you've been out dating and I was like, hell yeah. Why the hell would you think I'm not like your, your exit doesn't mean that I should stop. if you exit my life, that doesn't mean that that is the end for me. That means I must keep going. You weren't my final destination. I might've took a sharp turn to the trigger happy redneck territory, but right now it says my direction says go a little further. I had my time of grieving, but it was time to keep going. And today. I just want to share that with you because my mom is absolutely amazing and what she has given me. And I miss her and I love her. But even when you are in your grieving stages, some days are good, some days are bad, but you got to keep going, in the right direction. And I just want you to know that you will land And the most beautiful comfortable space that is just for you. Sometimes the death of those ships is what you need to go forward. The job ended and you start a new one that is or start your own business, which is a story of mine. I was comfortable in a space and they became uncomfortable in my work environments. It happened to me twice. And I ended up landing in a space that was better than the last. But today I want y'all to keep going, go a little further. Those ships gonna sail. And so will you. I appreciate you and I am grateful and I know that you could be anywhere else. You got options and you chose me today. Thank you. And until next time on a randomness podcast ever, enjoy your day on purpose.