Who Are You Bringing To Your Table?

To piggyback off of episode 4 and owning your shit, we’re going into dating today. Not all relationships are meant to last forever, but it’s important that you own your role in the way things go. Yeah, he might have been the worst boyfriend ever, but you did let him in. There are times when the problem might be you.

Regardless, after a relationship ends, that’s your time to reflect. Was there something you were supposed to learn from this? How are you going to move on after this? Because you do have to move on. 

There are some things to watch for when you allow new people into your life - both in them and in yourself. People show you exactly who they are. What do you need to work on in yourself to be able to see that? Don’t worry so much about what they’re bringing to the table - is their table whole? What about yours?

Transcript

Patrice B: 0:41

Hello and welcome to Tacos, tequila Therapy and the Tea with your girl Patrice B I have missed you guys. Hello, hello, hello. Today I'm back with some foolishness and uh, my normal Patrice fashion, and today I'm coming to you with some salon talk Now. This salon talk is definitely back to, you know the topic a couple episodes ago about owning your shit. But this one is in terms of dating. Now, fellas, let me just say this. In the salon, women are not always sitting around bashing you. We're not doing that at the design studio. We owning our shit. But even amongst my friends and people that I encounter, I just try to come from a different perspective. Cause I don't always believe that it is a man's problem, but I try to be that good, good girlfriend, be like, you know what sis? You know that you problem. You know that you right. But that was you. But when we talk about transitions in life and dating and connections and relationships, I just find like this, this, this conversation of dealing with other people has been very interesting lately. Right? And it's not just about dating or it's how we deal with people as a whole. Friendships, everything is shifting and some people appear to be very, Woke of what you could be doing best for yourself and where you lack, but won't even acknowledge their shortcomings. Now I believe of taking ownership of your shit. I, let me speak for myself. I am a person who definitely knows like, girl, you was wrong and as hell. That's you? Cause I'm, I'm, I'm gonna be honest, like I got different sides to me. I am fully aware of all aspects of Patrice. I'm fully aware of my positive and passionate side. I am aware of my petty and the penitentiary side. And when I take you that petty and penitentiary go hand to hand, Trust me, but I've been on this whole spiritual healing process of, so penitentiary doesn't come out as often because some situations doesn't require for me to get there. Cuz I am a true Scorpio and it's fashion. You piss me off. You on the other side of the tracks, it's facts. But I just try not to get too pissed because sometimes I can see, honestly, see that. Some people don't deserve that energy from me. Now you cross the line. You cross the line, but sometimes it don't even even happen for me to get there. Cause you can look at people and be like, this is stupid as hell. I'm not even giving you that. But for the most part, I live in a life of my positive and passionate side. Sometimes those things can be extreme. But being aware when I am in a mood, could I have eaten, you know, whatever. And just being aware. But in life, I've also owned my mistakes of where I have fallen short in my connections with people, right? Be it relationships, the choice of partner, whatever. When I tell you I take ownership of my shit, I be like, yep, I did that. And anybody who know me, I say it all the time. I don't care who listening. I don't care how you feel about it, but I'm like, shit. I gave them some, like, damn, I gave them some. They were complete assholes They, they weren't somebody I should've even been with or been around or even had in my space. But you know what? Damn, I done gave them some, so I gotta take that. Arrow's me, that's me. Now, them being shitty as or them, but the fact that I gave them some and I dealt with that, shittiness is me. And that's where I take it, ownership of mine. Because I can't say, oh my gosh, it's your faults. You was a mess. Why are you this way? Why did I deal with you? So I don't go ask people somebody else. It's definitely like, what part did I play in this foolishness in my life? And then when we have these conversations, and I love the openness and conversations that I have with my tribe in the salon and in my circle of people It can be so enlightening. So enlightening of just how we think as a whole. And I am your friend that's on your side. Because we do have to take ownership of our stuff. And I'm that good, good girlfriend that's like, that was crazy. That was you. That was a you moment. Why you, why, why does it have to be that way? And over time we think of like what we try to put into the basket of others to either validate us. To confirm the relationship or whatever that might be. And I find that we are afraid of being hurt. but the hurt comes lessons. So a no should make you think of what has directed me to get this no. Or this relationship ending. Was it a lesson that I needed to learn? Was it that? This path was cleared for a reason. What did I need to see? And sometimes those, those lessons that we give, if we get the lessons of hurt or rejection, or when your relationships end or they transition or shift, whatever you wanna call it, it's like, what do you take from it positively? Is it something you could have done differently? And it's not always your fault, but it could have been just like, Hey. Embracing the fact that this should end and moving on. Literally like move on. Because this is also something that I, I have to say, and I think I've said to you know, People when we're in conversations, the thing that I do not believe is that when you are with someone who may not be the right person for you, as you move forward, right, and be it your, your relationships, your situation, whatever that might be, when it ends, it's, I'm not saying you need to jump out there and need to be your hot girl summers, and you need to move quickly, but you need to move. Move on. I know people who have ended relationships that they felt were possibly for the future, and it ended and they stopped as well. Once it ended, they didn't date again. It's hard. Because they like, oh, everybody is this way. Um, you know, are you a cheater? Like, so we going to carry that negative energy with you and wonder why things are not progressing or why they're not moving forward. That's you. That's not the ex who hurt you. The ex is gone. They done move on. They, they got your money. They took your free space. They did whatever they did, they gone. But the fact that you would also stop living after they've left. Those people ain't that special. No one is, no one is that damn special in life. And let me not say it that way, let me, let me adjust that. Some people are very special and the loss of them we can grieve and it can be very hard because you will want that same passion again. But when they are not good for you and that shit wasn't going well, move on. That was the nicest way I can put that. There are some people that you will wanna grieve and you might be still for, but they are also gone. I'm sure they wouldn't want you to stop living, but for those relationships that should not have ever been a relationship or a connection of anything in your space, don't allow that to stop. You move the hell on. And the other crazy thing is now we're asking people what they bringing to the table. What, what do they bring to the table? That conversation has been a little, that one is an interesting one for me. Cause when we talk about what you bring to the table, yes we can have the things that we are looking for in someone. I would like for somebody to be healed. Right and healed and owning their shit, wanting, actually wanting the connection, can take care of themselves. But when we talk about what they bring to the table, half of these people don't even have their own damn table set up. You ain't got all your plates, you forks your spoons, your, your chargers. You don't have your whole table set up. But they wanna know what are you bringing to mind? What are you adding to my life? Instead of being concerned about what are they doing themselves to add to their life because the person coming has their own damn table. And can we put those two tables in the house? Cuz I need you to have your table whole, I want all your dirty dishes on the table. Right. I don't want you missing forks and stuff like that because people could be doing well out here in terms of, Hey, I pay my bills. Hey, I can cook, but they're the most emotionally unavailable. Don't know how to talk to people. Lack communication, have insecurities. Everybody's table looks different, and some people might have a TV tray with a paper plate, but they got a table that they're eating at at that point in their life, and that table can change. But when you want somebody to come into your life, I feel like if you are in a good space with your stuff, the people that come eat at your table are supposed to be there. You attract the goodness of coming to your table. They, I mean, I just, I, this is my positive patty. I'm on it. I believe when you're in that space, fear attracts fear and some people can sense that they can smell it. Fear. And this goes for male or female. there's some women out here looking for your shortcomings. And four come up. But be confident in who you are and own. Eat at your damn table. Make sure your shit's clean, your tables, you got all, you got, all your, your bowls, your plates, your forks lining out. And even if you had to, you know, something is missing, it doesn't mean that somebody else is to add to this. Find it within you. So then we can have two tables in this house, two whole tables in this house. Because everything just looks like, oh, well, I mean, what you going to do, what it's going to be like when you come here. You know, some people are looking for more physical attributes. That's like, Well, I want them to look this way. And like, you don't even look that way. I think it's funny when men be like, yeah, I need X, Y, and Z and I'll be like, I need a whole hairline and not a beer gut, but you got one. You know, like, let's be real out here. Like what are we looking for? I've had situations somebody be like, um, I wasn't for them. My size. Size and I ain't even that big. Or maybe I should have been bigger, wasn't for them. Who the hell are you? do you think I give a fuck? And this is the crazy part and I did have to tell someone this before. It's like, I was getting it before you and I would get it after you so you have options cuz we all do I don't believe that one person is that high up in life. That they can diminish my value or my worth ever. People are foolish to think that they have that much power like they thought shit and could determine your worth. I don't care what level in life you were on. That is crazy. It's absolutely absurd. And if y'all didn't know, I felt very passionately about that. But when we talking about dating and what you bring to the table, how. And energy nowadays. We got people that's like, mm, I don't like people. What? What do you mean you don't like people? You go out to restaurants and you eat, you got family. You got not necessarily like'em, but you gotta learn to deal with them. And now whole like, and I understand there are some people who are introverts. But people hide behind that, right? When we say we don't like people or introverts, At some point we do deal with people, be it on our jobs, our families, our kids. If you have no one, then stay in that space, but an introvert that wants to go in and have some time alone, at some point you have to deal with people and hiding behind. I'm an introvert and lacking communication and how to talk to people, how to ask for things. That's bullshit. That doesn't mean you are unkind and you cannot have a conversation. You just might like really like your own space, and that is okay, but when it comes to getting to know somebody, you should at least still be a person who can have a conversation and be kind. We talk about energy, right? I just came across good, good girlfriend, uh, last week and she had went to an event. She was looking good, probably feeling herself, and she was like, yeah, you can feel the energy in the room. And I had to say to my boo, I was like, um, she was like, yeah, you could just see it like they were looking at me, let him look. I'm gonna tell you this. I don't enter a space worried about what somebody else thinks of me. Cuz who the hell are they? And if they have some opinions and they don't even know me, that is their insecurities. You with your man, you with your wife, you with your girl. Walk into that space and own it. If someone is uncomfortable, let them be uncomfortable. Because whatever judgment or moment that they're in, they still got some dirty dishes on their table that they need to work out. So maybe they're uncomfortable in that moment because they want something, needs something, lack something. But we have to be aware of the energy that we put out. I will not walk into a space with negative energy of, giving somebody the side eye. I will survey my land of where am I and check out my space, but I'm not bringing negative energy into a space of where I plan on standing being at any point in time. But I am aware of people, but I don't feed into that energy. Because that's the type of stuff that we attract back when we are connecting with people. Start out with good energy, and I ain't saying be a fool. I'm just saying start out with good energy. You'd be amazed at what you get back. You'd be amazed at when you are in a space of good right, and a good space and a good mindset. You be amazed at what you see in others. people be like, oh, it's a, you know, they, they changed. It's a surprise and I don't believe that people lie that well. I do not believe that, they can hide things for too long. We may not see them because of what we have blocked. The energy, the space. We're not focused. Well, people tell you exactly, exactly who they are, but are you in a space of thinking that you can fix them, heal them, you want to help them? You want to help yourself, but they are who they are. I was in this situation where I was in a domestic violence situation and was it surprised that they were abusive? Not at all. They would do it to other people. It wasn't too long before it would come back to me. I got out, thank God. But I've been in these spaces where I have clearly seen, and this is taking ownership of my shit, and I know I'm not the only one. I know y'all out there too. I've been in stuff where you be like, I saw that coming. You can see that that wasn't the right person for you. How do they really add or aid in your life? Oh, it was good until it wasn't. There were telltale signs that it possibly wasn't going to be that great. Just how they might treat family members, strangers. It is no surprise sometimes and how people are, how they treat friends. Do they even have any? What does that look like? And you would just be amazed that if we just open our eyes and we are aware of our own shit, what you can see in others, because I believe that sometimes we can, our minds are blocked and cloudy because we have some things that we have to work on within ourselves, so we can't see the bad in front of us. So dating is like, oh, all these people is, is this, you got, you got those that are married that want to have extra. If that's your thing, then that is your thing. It's cheaper to keep her. Some of them can't even afford to leave, but they worried about cheaper to keep her. Some of them people can't even afford to lead a relationship, so that's why they stay. Because their table wasn't whole. So they aren't separate individuals who were whole and came together. just baffles me. Right? I, but that's my opinion. Until each his own. It may not be for me, but it's for someone else. But when we think about dating and meeting people, we show exactly who we are. People show you, but you show as well. And sometimes it's not always what is said. It's what they do, and you can see where past hurts us. Still resonating in someone. And that is male or female. Males may not say as much, right? They don't have as many words, but their actions says, I may still be hurt. I may not be that great in this area. Women say a lot. Emotions show a lot, but you can see it when it's not right. And sometimes we just can see the possibilities in people. Like, oh my gosh, they would be so great. I see you. You can be great and you would be great, but could and would. Be great and possibilities and connections would come from how they would be with you. This relationship would be great if, if we could just get it together, why can't we get it together? Dating isn't always so simple. But it could be easier, and I'm not saying this is a timeframe or, but I do believe that you can just open your eyes and people will tell you exactly who they are. We are more concerned sometimes about what people are bringing to our lives and we are not whole. Our tables are not whole themselves. Some people are not aware of they are not taking ownership of their shit. It is always someone else. You got people out here that think that, I've even heard this foolishness, like relationships are terrible because like my friend and them, they've been cheating or it's not right over there and somebody even did something over there. But what does that mean it's gonna be in your life. That's not everybody. Everybody is not that way and people are very different depending on who they're with. And they same to the core. But it's different from person to person. So what is the energy that you bring and what space are you in? Be aware of your shit and when you start out, worry about your own table and you be amazed at what you see and others. Now we out here having a hot girl summer. I don't even know. We'll be safe for the guys, but keep your eyes open. Leave with positivity. You'd be amazed at what you see and you find to those of you who are happily married, I would love to hear like what do you do to keep it alive tonight? I'm not married yet, but I'm open and I'm ready to receive. I try to speak everything positively, positivity into my world, but that's just some salon Talk and hopefully you find someone. And you connect with the person that compliments, supports, nurtures, maybe put a little fire under your butt, inspire you to always be your best self, to continue to keep that table fully loaded standing. And in good condition, that's what I hope for the collective, is that you find someone that doesn't tear down your table that you have built, that you have made whole. That's what I would like now. Thank you. You guys always have options. You always have options, but I appreciate the fact that you take your time and to spend it with your girl. Today, take ownership of your shit good, bad, or indifferent, and note that the bad is always lessons for growth. Now when I'm saying taking ownership of your shit, please understand this is not to minimize your work. Your past choices or mistakes are the past. If you've learned from them, are you able to move on, go, but don't allow your past mistakes or relationships stop you from being great today. Grow and move. Don't ever let the past determine your worth for today. Things that don't last change. People in your life, you have to respect people for where they are. Take ownership of your shit and move. Move on, move up, move because that's life. Today is a new day and you got a new day to try it again. Thank you, thank you. Thank you for spending your time with me. Don't forget, you can follow me on all those social media platforms, Instagram, Facebook, for those of you are still using it, I'm even on threads with Patrice Star. Patrice Star Instagram, and the salon. The Design Studio md, just like Marilyn, the doctor. Don't forget it. And until next time.